Craig Duke

The Hell of Addiction

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be free from the hell of addiction that I was in. I never dreamed I would be living the kind of life I have now. Never.

Almost eight years ago I was a completely broken man, alone, sick and tired of being sick and tired, wishing I was dead rather than suffering the way I was. Hopelessness consumed me.

I had spent 22 years living a life of drugs and crime and everything that went with that lifestyle, the last 15 with a needle in some part of my body. This was my condition when I stumbled through the doors of Beth Rapha, a drug rehab centre in Observatory, Cape Town.

The Slow Slide Down

I was born into a good loving family, went to the best schools but lacked a father. At the age of 14 I hung around with people who were a lot older than me, who introduced me to "soft" drugs. I felt a sense of acceptance and belonging, the opposite of what I felt at home.

At 15, I ran away from home and never went back. Instead I landed up in places of safety, trade schools and reformatory with a growing criminal record, at 20 I was doing hard time. Jail had become a second home.

I led this lifestyle for years, eventually arriving in Cape Town trying to change, and I guess for a time I did. But the drugs were too powerful, they were all consuming, and I was out of control. I almost succeeded in ending it had it not been for the perseverance of the paramedics, my world was so dark.

Only 6 feet left to fall

By the time I reached the doors of Beth Rapha, my wife had left with my daughter, I was on the street with a leg that was rotting off, I weighed 55kg and at rock bottom. There was only 6 feet left for me to fall.

My recovery was not immediate, there was no magic prayer that I said and all was well, it took time, a long time. It took tears and hard work and it all started one night at Jubilee Community Church.

Jubilee

I had no doubt that there was a God and a devil. In addiction you see some real evil. God just seemed far away although looking back on some incidents He was actually very close.

During that particular service at Jubilee I had a conversation with Jesus. I said "If you can do what they say you can do, then do it in my life...."

I had noticed all the smiling faces of the other people in the church and wanted that so badly. I thought that they were happy and had life sorted. I later got to know most of them and found out that they weren't so sorted after all, we've all got issues and problems but we know now who to go to with them.

I went forward and surrendered my life to Christ. "I've tried everything else, I want to try you now!" I prayed.

My worst day in recovery beat my best day in addiction

How to explain my life now? My worst day in recovery beat the best day ever in my addiction. My choice has been given back to me. I choose to now rather live a life of integrity, honesty which is much easier.

I have an actual relationship with a loving God, with Jesus. It's so cool because that searching for something has gone. The fact that I know I have been forgiven for what I have done in the past is enormously freeing. This is what it's all about, freedom!

In addiction I used to watch with envy people leading a normal life, dropping the kids off at school, eating at a table as a family, going on holidays. This is all that I wanted back then, a normal life.

I have that now; I have a beautiful wife and daughter, my own business (Stromboli's Catering), true friends and the privilege to experience and work through the headaches and hassles of life. I have found meaning to my life, and my significance that's in Jesus. I belong.

Thank you Jesus!